so instead, i shall be on my feet! this makes me happy. no worries about dresscode. no worries about the shade of hair color (gunmetal), no worries about the piercing in my nose. this is the first job i will be able to wear it since the vegan bakery (in 96), and i've had it for ten years. i am going to be working for a co-op that is part of the same cooperative as b-foods in b-ton. you'll even find the name of the store on the paper bags. which i admit, makes me a little sad, as i miss b-ton quite a bit. i feel good about this job and i get a 20% discount on food that i will not feel guilty about consuming.
the atmosphere has been dismal flat and grey with the exception of the trees shaking down their autumnal tresses. they rain down offerings of vibrant reds, oranges and yellows. occasionally the sky breaks enough to let in brilliant patches of light blue even though it is dark. the aroma of leaves intermixed with the smell of smokey chimneys hurls me back to past octobers.
this in combination with the co-op makes me crave motherhood. not just motherhood but pregnancy. startling, no? a "normal" one. by no means would i give up what i had with ari, not for anything. but part of me craves a happy pregnancy peppered with normal anxieties. deep down there is a longing that i will someday have another child. i'm not sure what to think about that. it seems very selfish. it's by no means at the top of my "To do" list.farfar from it. the co-op seems an odd trigger for this but there is a reason behind that. silly imaginings from a pregnancy from a long lost october in 96.
strange admissions.
i start working on thursday.
ari's teacher seems very concerend about my cold. she is a sweet woman.