Despite having been almost blown away by the storm I made it to my appointment.
Still don’t know what to think. Her approach isn’t altogether different thus far. She made the suggestion that I start paying off my buzzards (my mother’s word for bursar) bill.
i.
guess.
i.
will.
I don’t know why this is difficult for me. Perhaps it is because I could go through all of this effort just to either move or be told to take a hike (which is exactly what ari told one of the cats to do this morning.) She insists that I will continue to feel hopeless/and or miserable about the future unless I make this effort. She said something about me “treading water”. I do have a little $ stowed away in an account that was being reserved for something, I suppose this could be it.
It gives me a headache to think of all of the people I would have to talk to in order to return to school here. My academic advisor always gives the same speech about how brilliant he thought I was and how sad he was to see me slipping because of an illness. I believe that’s the nature of the illness though, it either pushes you to brilliance or keeps you just from reaching it or nothing at all. I’m in between reaching it and nothing at all. I have to remind myself of people like Van Gogh (how cliché) who didn’t even start painting until he was 30ish. I would think that as an advisor that G. was just doing his job but he is very direct and honest. He has been right about many things, hopefully this is one of them. A work in progress, perhaps.
Now I have frente’s “Oh brilliance” stuck in my head.
Yesterday as S. and I were leaving the grocery I stepped right in front of a van. I have lost track of how many times I have done this. This time it turned out that the person driving was my cousin. Ten minutes before that we saw my brother and father driving past. So small here!
I hope no one thinks I am a horrible, horrible person if I apply to work at Borders. I wish there were more independent bookstores here. The location is very convenient as it is right next to my apartment. I seem to remember hearing that you have to take some sort of test. Most of the authors that I am very familiar with are dead now. Maybe I could just work in the dead authors section.
Ari’s reading is getting better and better. I haven’t been working with him very much this summer. I think we need to take a trip to Learning Treasures. My mother got quite a bit of our school supplies there when she was teaching us at home. It’s also a good place to get decorations for little boys bedrooms if you are feeling too lazy to draw or paint. Which I am. The spaceships hanging from the ceiling are looking limp and sad.
** contemplating cajoling my brother into watching a. for a few hours to support heath tonight. Not sure if that would be a good idea or not.