Today is the holiday party at work and i'm dreading it. i haven't been in regularly for three months. a lot of people are wondering where i have been and I told some of the closer co-workers parts of what I have been going through. I hate drawing attention to myself but have by creating this absence. That and I have bright red hair now instead of the blonde that I left with.

I survived the party. I mentioned that I would probably leave the party early to R., my co-worker and she asked me why. I told her that it was because I was reading a book. Just last week I explained to her what a depressive disorder was. I really didn't want to tell her I was reading Prozac Nation. That would seem too ridiculous, typical or trite. I ended up telling her that I was reading an Ethan Hawke book (that i borrowed from a friend).

I had been avoiding explaining most of what I have been going through because I was ashamed of it. It is kind of difficult not to explain it to my co-workers considering how much work I have missed in the past three months.

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