It started off with pasta, pounds and pounds of wanting thick noodles and pbs
It ended in metal probes and dissolving flesh
To us you are just a #
Yes, I say with my polka dot socks, legs splayed
Outside they were saying prayers
The Virgin Mary can't save me now
Decidedly Not a virgin, I cringed as a man who I never loved, ripped out my heart
A kind black woman held my hand as I drifted in between layers of reality and pain
The doctors parting wisdom was "there you go, you stay in school and this won't happen again"
He carried off a blue bag and gave me my student discount as I cried
the recovery room was filled with many women of all walks of life
drinking orange soda and eating crackers and cookies
"this is my first, oh, this is my third..nmmm girlfriend, you need to be careful"
I couldn't stay there
someone called after me, "wait, you almost forgot your hat, I wouldn't want to forget that hat"
I no longer cared about my favorite hat
I christened you Gardenia.
Not aloud because tongues were now useless.
I never told anyone that until now
That I imagined taking you to the store with me
Carrying you around town
I burned white candles and incense trying to understand
I withdrew into a thick haze and sleep that only my friends tried to penetrate
All I had left was sickness and a straight temporary reminder that ran down my stomach and sickness
A life later, I look at the scars running over my stomach and thighs and hips, beautiful road maps to my heart.
However, occasionally I still smell Gardenia and cry.