I'm still off of diet soda, and meat./P>
I'm still working my butt off, here at work. I'm starting to feel better and better despite the "acute bronchitis". I was quizzed as they were x-raying my chest as to whether or not I had recently been on any airplanes or accepted fruit from strangers. Strangers on the phone here are telling me how terrible I sound. They are surprised when I exclaim (and yes, happily) "I sound much better than I did!"
Ari is spending the week with his grandparents, after all. I was assured and reassured that most of the reason that his grandparents wanted him there mainly to spend time with him and so that he could play with his six year old cousin. Not to indoctrinate him as I feared. It ended up being a good decision as S. has had a fever of almost 103 degrees and I have been exhausted.
Ari received his shots and is all ready to go to kindergarten. He is in the 50th percentile for his height and 25th for his weight. How they decide how to put kids in categories is completely beyond me, I don't like it. It has been decided that his constant cough is likely caused by allergies, so he's trying out Zyrtec.
I am physically feeling better, as much as that is worth. Still hacking up a lung, and tired. I have not however been crying from sheer exhaustion. Mentally, I'm no longer afraid that I am going to be stuck in the same mindset that I was when my central nervous system was assaulted. I'm still not doing the greatest depression-wise but what is this turning into My diary of Mental Health? oof. I suppose I am going to be one of those scary old ladies talking about my varicose veins someday. Incidentally, I am on more medication that I have ever been. Zyrtec, Ativan (the only thing that could completely calm me down when I was having the bad reaction the terrible med., Cough med. with codeine, antibiotics, an inhaler (yeh! those things are neat) and a drug that totally screws up my birth control (suggestions, suggestions?!) I need a new drug that is not going to screw me up hormonally. I do not want to get pregnant right now. I love children, but now is not the time to branch out. oh and being uncharacteristically preventitive, i'm taking echinachea, vitamin c, and fish oil. Since the "episode" I have taken to drinking gallons of water. When I was sick I convinced myself that it would flush the drug out of my system more quickly, and have been addicted ever since.
I've been reading a Shambahla magazine and writing regular notes in my journal from it. They are a bit scattered, as they were written during lunch. Not to mention it was very difficult to type them out sitting right here at my desk...
" As we observe the mental process with precision we come to see that we rarely take a breath without thoughts or judgement or opinion going through our head. We begin to notice the extent to which we're addicted to our thoughts. Much of the mental activity is innocuous -just engery arising as mental concepts. But for most of us there is particular addictive pattern.
It's important to label thoughts with precision because otherwise we'll continue to believe them.
Because there is no particular comfort in them they may not feel like an addiction they may feel like barrier between ourselves and our life. But they're only a barrier until we pass through them." Then it goes on to discuss Clearing mechanisms, very briefly.
I wish that I could find my clearing mechanism.
On a semi-non-related note...I recently had a strange occurence with synchronicity. Two weekends ago when I was waiting for the Ativan(i have a new respect for that drug) to kick in and stop my brain from frying, I started babbling about a friend that I had that I haven't heard from in six years. A week exactly later, he leaves a message on my machine. Something to the effect that he couldn't believe the gall of me not being home so that he could tell me how wonderful I am. After six years. Maybe more if I bothered to do the math.